03.5.2007 您這樣便走了... 連說再見的機會也沒有... 您知道我的心那麼痛, 那麼不安嗎? I always thought I would walk with you to the end. I still remember that summer day more than five years ago, when you first set paws in our home... you were such a cute bundle, a ball of energy who quickly settled into our lives... I still remember that on the first or second night after you moved in, the whole family was out when a thunderstorm broke out. I was so afraid you would be soaked and afraid outside in the yard... It was my first taste of a mother's incessant anxiety for her child... You never got over your fear of thunderstorms, nor the sound of fireworks... You would always hide under the table or the piano chair as rain splattered outside, and you would snuggle especially close as I gentle soothed your unusally tense body... Every single day in the past, before I started university, you would be the first one to welcome me home no matter what kind of a day I had. Even before I put the keys to the lock, I would hear your whimper of excitment and the scratching of your paws against the gate. The first thing you would do would be to 'check' the lamp post in between our house and the next, and nothing would stop you from zooming back and forth the living room for several times after we let you in. I had long given up telling you not to jump up, since it was your special way of saying 'how are you'... I still remember the countless times that you laid under the piano chair as I played piece after piece. You never showed the slightest indication that you enjoyed the music, since you would always fall asleep, offering your petpet as a footrest. You would follow me around, never seeming to get tired of treading the smallest spaces, as if you could not bear to let me out of your sight. You would snuggled next to our feet beside the sofa, looking up with your loopy grin at the slighest possibility of food. Food was perhaps your biggest passion apart from going for walks. You'd swallow almost anything edible, except popcorn and oranges. I still don't understand how you always managed to gulp down seedless grapes without chewing... We always scolded baba for pampering you with food, and both of you always seemed to conspire mischieviously... You were especially intelligent, learning every trick that I taught you. True, you always got mixed up with 'paw'(left paw) and 'hand'(right paw), but you've never failed to kiss me when I put my cheek near yours... Your eyes would never close when i tell you to pretend to 'sleep'... yet you always managed to roll over perfectly... I want to teach you so much more... not just to show off to every house guest who adore you, but how I love the gleeful satisfaction on your face when I pat your head say "Good Boy!"... You have given me so much... more than just your ever wagging tail and irresistible grin, but maturity and faith. I grew to understand the essence of responsibility and unconditional love through the rocky path we shared. Sometimes I got frustrated with you, impatient with you, and even blamed you for the nuisance and family troubles that you've brought into our home... But everytime my heart would be softened by your trusting and soulful eyes, as well as the inexplicable way that you always seemed to understand me without me even saying the words... I knew clearly from the start that you were my responsibility, and that no matter how naughty you were, no matter how troublesome additional arrangements were, no matter how much extra time I needed to spend in taking care of you, you were mine. There are so few people, so few things, to whom/which I feel this kind of attachment, this stubborn form of unconditional acceptance, this soul-trembling 執著... You were like a second younger brother to me, to all of us. We were family, and nothing could ever change the fact. Like family, we accept each other's flaws, we go through rough times, and sacrifices are made... but we never stop looking out for one another. I know that I haven't given you enough. I had often taken you for granted, at times neglecting your needs and not returning your affections. I've never taken you to the beach, nor to a vast grassy field where you can roam as far as you want... Although Baba took good care of you each day, I was the one who should be sharing all that with you. I hardly ever had time to play with you properly after living in hall, often merely fulfilling my obligations of bathing you each weekend. The last walk I took you on last Saturday night was the first one in weeks... I never thought it would be the last time we would walk together in the night. I am sorry Didi... I am sorry if I had let you down somehow... Dear Lord, what I would give if I could just hold you one more time.... Did you hurt when the end came? Did you think that we abandonned you as you laid on the stone-cold pavement? Did you think of me as you departed into the night? Did you know that I loved you? If we had the chance to say goodbye... I would hold your head in my lap, stroke your favourite spot behind your ears, and tell you once again how much I love you. ...您在天父身旁嗎? ...您現在快樂嗎? You will always be in my heart. | 
嗎？
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